The Struggles of a RM

Oh goodness. That is all I have to say about the past 2 months. Overwhelming, frustrating, and intense are just a few words to describe this time period. I guess I should also include joyful, wonderful and new! Life is such a new experience when you have just come home from a mission. Most friends are married or about to be, generally you end up switching schools or majors, your family has grown up and moved on, and you, well you are still in the exact same place you were except you are a totally different person. It is highly confusing! Finding your niche can be hard. In addition to that you expected to come home and still be "perfect." You think of course I will never struggle with scripture reading or prayer. I will still think church is the greatest thing since sliced bread! I will share the gospel 100 times a day! Or my personal thought, I will never fight with my family again! Unfortunately, reality sets in and with that so does the imperfection. This is probably the hardest part of being an RM.  Not being exactly who you want to be instantly.


I have been overwhelmed and reminded lately that that is exactly the point of life. To fail. Yup sounds a little sad and depressing but its true! If we were supposed to succeed, Christ would not be such a central part of our life. He actually wouldn't be necessary at all, but He is. He allows us to succeed, but it is only through Him. On a mission we get to see more of the perfection side of life. We are literal representatives of Him and have been set apart to be His disciple. It gives us more power and a greater perspective of who we are to be. Then we go home. We lose that power and direct purpose and that ideal life becomes just that. Our ideal and our dream. If we can attain the focus and consecration we have as a missionary then we can really be used as God's tools. Perhaps I simply struggle more then others but I do know that Christ is real and He will be there for us as we struggle through this faze of RM.
Here are just a few things that helped me!

• You will miss your name tag and still try to introduce yourself by touching it... its ok... just accept it. 
• Find a planner!! It will be your best friend!! 
• Go to the temple... weekly if possible! It will make you feel like you are back out in the field.
• Church can still be the promised land.. You just have to work harder. 
• Scriptures Scriptures Scriptures... enough said
• If you don't wake up at 6:30 and exercise immediately everyday it is ok! There is forgiveness in this life... 
• God still loves you. You did it! Don't forget the accomplishment! 

Oh the things I have learned. . .

My mission has changed my life. It has been my best educator on life, faith, and common sense. It has taught me skills and lessons that will help me with the rest of my eternity! I wanted to share just a few of those lessons learned.

• Lightning will strike a moving car. Rubber tires do NOT keep you safe!
• Gas stoves are meant to be in the off position for a reason.
• Virginia air is like drinking soup.
• Rain storms are meant to be instantaneous and destructive all at the same time! 
• Paper cuts can lead to staff infection. Don't ignore them!
• When you are really loved you will be offered many a family member to marry......
• Frogs can get inside apartments.... so can black widows and dark fishing spiders, and crickets

Ok now on to the more serious ones!

• Time moves faster then expected and slower then measured
• The gospel of Jesus Christ can heal any wound and mend any heart. 
• My Father in Heaven does love each and everyone one of us perfectly and equally
• Families are meant to be together for eternity
• Love will always disperse contention and frustration
• Satan can not be there when humility is present
• Change is the best and hardest thing that will ever happen to us

I have loved my mission and I am grateful for the blessings that it has brought to my life. I know this is the true gospel of Jesus Christ. I love Him and I am so grateful I have been able to serve Him. 

The Conundrum of the Phone

My entire time in Warrenton I have had the same phone. This phone is a brick! It has been thrown down a flight of stairs, landed on tile, bounced and hit a steel door, landed once again on the tile and didn't even turn off! It was also thrown down a hallway by a teenage boy with no damage! This has been a useful phone. It has allowed us to make calls and send text messages. . . sometimes. It has service. . . sometimes (the best service is on a random bridge in the middle of Marshall Virginia!!). It turns off only about an hour after charging. Ok so maybe this phone has its struggles but it is a phone that has helped us serve as missionaries.Yesterday we had a miracle occur. We received a new phone! It is shiny and bright! It has a battery life that survives all day!! It rings when people call and it even has service in our apartment!! It is a rockstar phone! We have embraced this phone and all of the latest and greatest abilities that come with it!

This is exactly the same as our role as missionaries. We come to help others come unto Christ by accepting His gospel. We have a message that does improve and enlighten any life. It is not changing the capabilities but it is enhancing and allowing for more of God's blessings to flow into peoples lives. I know that all religion helps to make people better. I also know that through the restored gospel of Jesus Christ we can achieve exaltation. It is not meant to take away the truths and love others already have for Jesus Christ, but to enrich and add to the truths already given. There are no questions or confusion when the restored gospel is present. I know this is true! I know we can accept the truth by allowing God to testify to our hearts the reality of the restored gospel. Try it out! I promise you will love the new abilities and dreams you can strive for when you have the ultimate truth!

Thank Goodness there are only 3 weeks left of this!!

I remembered when my sister first entered the hospital. I remember the phone call from my dad and the fear that instantly came. I was not fully able to understand the magnitude of the situation. I only knew that my sister was in the hospital and that the baby might be born really really early. I was terrified! I felt a little guilt considering I had told my sister she had to get pregnant before my other sister left on a mission. I also remember the feeling of responsibility in caring for my sister. It became my quest to make her happier. She remained in that hospital for a couple months. Way way too long! I visited her everyday! We would read together, watch movies together (especially the movie zorro...that is one weird movie..), I would make her goodies and I would always make her laugh!! The baby monitors showed that every time I spoke or laughed baby girl's heart rate would increase and Caprise said she would roll around in her stomach! I was the favorite from the beginning! While that time was so stressful and hard it is also some of my favorite memories. Caprise and I became so close!! It really was a tender mercy in the trial.
Now that I am on a mission I am once again facing the crazies of life. I have been struck by lightning, been to the ER for carbon monoxide poisoning, torn a ligament in my foot, had eye infections, had companions with staff infection, 
dermiographic hives, and depression, have been rained on, been covered in water as a car drove by the curb, snowed on, have trudged through snow and received potential frostbite, been yelled at, threatened, stalked, been hugged by drunk men, hugged by sober men, had doors slammed in my face, been far from home and family, missed weddings, birthdays and trials at home, watched people fall away here and at home, car troubles galore, had to leave those I love potentially every six weeks, exhaustion beyond belief and that is just the tip of the ice burg!!! There are definitely times when I think thank goodness I only have 3 more weeks left!! However, these are all trials I gratefully accept as I strive to be a true representative of Christ. How can I ask to be one without facing just a small portion of the pain, ridicule, and joy that He once felt. It is the best way to learn of Him and become like Him. I accept all trials and struggles that come if only I can become and learn more of Him. I am who I am today because of these moments in life! Thank goodness they keep on happening!

Consuming of the flesh

I remember when I was little and we went camping. I was always fascinated by the fire. I loved the way it lit up a dark mountain side, the way the flames seemed to dance around each other and the way that it could destroy pieces of papers and smaller sticks in moments! The whole fire seemed to consume the material and it disappeared as if it had never existed. I have continued to be fascinated by fire and the ability to destroy.
In one of my favorite chapters in the Book of Mormon it talks about a similar power that destroys for the good. It is the love of God. Nephi is proclaiming how weak and sinful he is. He is agonizing of the sins he has commited and the guilt he is feeling. Then he switches and testifies of the power of God. We read in 2 Nephi chapter 4: 21 "He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh." The love of God is similar to the fire. It consumes the sins of the flesh. It consumes our weaknesses that come from mortality. It consumes the very natural man and woman inside each of us and allows us to be free! The love of God allows us to move forward, onward and upward to a better and more cleansed life. I am so grateful for this truth! I am grateful that because my Father in Heaven loves me He will allow me to more forward and away from my sins, as if they never existed.
Later this week I was yet again reading in the Book of Mormon and found this golden nugget!

"O all ye that are pure in heart, lift up your heads and receive the pleasing word of God, and feast upon his love; for ye may, if your minds are firm, forever." (Jacob 3:2)

Throught the study of our scriptures we are feasing on the love of God. That very love that will sanctify and cleanse us from all transgressions! What a promise! Not only do we now know who what, but we know how! Let us feast on His words and His love! Then will the love of God consume our very flesh!

I couldn't post a picture because it would have made me cry....

Once upon a time on a dark and dreary country road drove my companion and I. We carefully came around a turn watching for cars. My companion turned on the brights in order to see and flashed an image in my eye that I can't seem to get rid of. There on the road was a curled up object. The head of that object lifted as we came close. It looked at us with those beady snake eyes and I went into a full blown panic attack!! I could not breathe, my eyes were weeping in fear, and the laughter that escaped my mouth was nothing short of hysterical. My companion sat in silence as I went through the panic process and finally timidly asked if I was okay. "THAT WAS A SNAKE!!" erupted from my mouth and the process began all over again. The fear I felt in that moment is not one I would like to repeat. I was completely incapable of acting in a normal dignified way. I was a wreck!! I am not sure why the sight of that snake affected me in such a way but it created a memory I am sure my companion will not soon forget.
Often times in this life we face fears that create stumbling blocks. We feel we can not continue forward and the physical action is unbearable. Some of those fears are losing a loved one, getting out of our comfort zone, change, dealing with sickness or depression, or even the simple steps of repentance. These are all normal fears that occur almost everyday. I wish there would have been an animal control worker to whisk that snake away, but that was a fear I have to face alone. On the other hand we have someone who will always help us overcome our emotional and spiritual fears. That is, of course, our Savior Jesus Christ. We can always rely on His help and comfort as we overcome and defeat our fears. As 1 John 4:8 says, "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear." The perfect love of Jesus Christ can and will cast away all fear if we let Him in. I love my Savior and I am so grateful for the fears He helps me to overcome!

I don't have to know everything!

In general education college classes we are expected to know everything that comes written in a giant text book!! We are asked challenging questions and write thought provoking essays about such topic. About 2 minutes after the final exam 80% of the material is instantly lost! It is gone! It is learned simply for the test and not for the practical application. On the contrary, religion is learned to become something greater. It is meant to become engrained in our everyday actions. There is no final test on the fine line details but an examination on how it is applied.

I love being a missionary. I love the fact that often I do not have all the answers. In fact, often times I don't know much of anything! I simply get to share what I know is true. I know the Book of Mormon is the word of God. That is enough for me. I don't have to know all the details or remember all the names. I just have to open that book and my life is better. I feel loved, peace, special, and enlightened. Basically I just feel better. That is enough for me. That is enough to jump right out there as a missionary and talk to everyone I see! That is enough for me to be away from my family for 18 months. That is enough for me to get every aggravating and discouraging question out there and still stay true to what I know. It is enough. This might sound niece or foolish but it is true. When I came to know that the Book of Mormon was the word of God everything else fell into place. I want that same joy for everyone else around me!
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the church of Jesus Christ. It really is simple. It is here to help us come the closest we can to our Heavenly Father. It is how we find true joy. We know this because of that little Book I was talking about earlier. Please read it. Please pray. And please ask me questions!

Through Trials and Tribulations comes . . . service??

This week has been an interesting. With lot of up and downs... mostly downs. We have struggled in the area and the work. I had the opportunity to talk to my Mission President and he reminded me of a simple story that comforted my heart. I wanted to share.
Jesus Christ and John the Baptist were cousins. They were close as Jesus chose to baptized by John. They both endured trials and hardships and Jesus even sent angels to John to comfort him in prison. Imagine the grief and pain Christ must have felt as he learned this close friend had been killed. It must have caused Him great sorrow. Jesus Christ left the people for a time and went into the desert. I am sure He was seeking a moment on His own to express that sorrow. Instead the multitudes followed Him and He had compassion upon them. He taught them and performed the miracle of the loves of bread and fishes. He fed thousands that night when he sought to be alone. Later in the same night, He again retired to solitude. He again left his moment of peace to rescue the disciples who were at sea in a storm. It is then that He walked on water. He continually served those around Him even the deepest pain. (Matt 14 and Mark 6)
Often as we go through the times of deepest sorrow and trial, the Lord provides us opportunities to serve those around us. He knows that this service is the ultimate way to joy and peace. Serving others allows the spirit to enter our hearts and heal us. It allows us to come closer to the Savior then ever before. Christ once again and always will show us the perfect example of how to love and overcome. They are intertwined and always will be. As I got through my own trials and shortcomings I will look to this example of service. This is a touching wonderful message that has helped me as well!

LOST!!!

Have you ever been lost before? Have you ever felt that fear that comes from not knowing where you are or

where you are attempting to go? I remember that fear when I was in Ireland with my family. We were driving to our hostile for the night and we were exhausted! We had flown all day and were ready to curl up in a nice bed. We were staying at an old castle and we THOUGHT the GPS was taking us in the right direction. We were wrong. We ended up on an old dirt sheep trail in the middle of nowhere! To top it off we had tire issues. We were completely and utterly lost. We had no idea where we were or where we were to go. We were exhausted and scared. At least we weren't trying to communicate in another language!! It was a scary moment when we realized we were alone and lost.

Often times we find ourselves in the same situations here in life. We become lost and confused. We are not sure where we are or where we are trying to go. We need a guide to help us and a RELIABLE one!! That is why the gift of the Holy Ghost is key to our life on earth and our eternal progression. Elder M. Russel Ballard once said

 "We have available to us a tool even more remarkable than the best GPS. Everyone loses his or her way at some point, to some degree, It is through the promptings of the Holy Ghost that we can be brought safely back onto the right path, and it is the atoning sacrifice of the Savior that can return us home. 

The Gift of the Holy Ghost is one of the incredible blessings associated with baptism into the Church of Jesus Christ. We are blessed to have a way to have this gift with us always. For those that are lost we have hope! We can accept this gift and let it lead us back home. 

The Legend of the Shopping Cart....

Once upon a time my family and I were in Boston. We had flown all night and we were attending a free art gallery. The time was around 9 and the streets were dark. We heard over the radio that the Red Sox had just won the world series!! We knew it would be a celebratory and dangerous night in Boston so we hurried out to the car to head to the hotel. We were stopped by a homeless man with a shopping cart that was seeking for money. We honestly said we did not have any but wished him a good night. As we walked to our car we started to hear the clicking of the shopping cart going over the cracks on the sidewalk. We started to walk a little faster and the clicks became more persistent and loud. We broke into a run as we heard the shopping cart racing towards us! My dad pulled out the keys to the car and tried to unlock it . . . only to realize it was the keys to our car in Salt Lake. He quickly grabbed the next set of keys unlocked his door and climbed in. He may or may not have left us outside the car alone for a time before he realized we were still locked out!! We finally all jumped in the car and drove away. Hearts thumping and breath heavy we escaped the shopping cart!!
This is still one of my favorite memories from our vacations. We had a thrilling escape and we learned a lot of great principles! We learned to always be prepared with the proper keys in case of danger, we learned that perhaps my dad was not the best to rescue us in this moment, and we also learned that we need to be in safe situations always. We didn't know that that gallery could become a dangerous location but it quickly turned into a not so pleasant spot.
How often does that happen in our lives? We enter a scene that seems harmless and safe and turns quickly into a scenario of temptation and fear. That might mean going to parties, looking something up online, or being around a not so great group of friends. We have to learn to have the proper precautions and preparation to be safe. As we make decisions now on how we will live our life, we can better be prepared to face the challenges of tomorrow. I am grateful that I have always been taught to only be in the safest of situations and to be fully prepared to make an escape as necessary. How have you prepared yourself for escapes in both physically and spiritually damaging situations?

Struck by Lightning

Imagine you are driving along in the middle of a rain storm. You are having a wonderful conversation with your companion and you are enjoying the beautiful music playing. You are in a quiet neighborhood heading to a dinner appointment. You are so excited about the wonderful day you have just had! You are excited for dinner. Suddenly you see a bright flash of white surrounding your car. Your eyes still hurt from the brightness. Instantaneously you hear a loud clap of thunder that vibrates the car and your ear drums. Just as quickly as it happened it all becomes peaceful again. What in the world just happened???!!! You take a second to think and you suddenly yell, "WE WERE JUST HIT BY LIGHTNING!"

That is a true story that happened just this last week! Our car was literally struck by lightning. What is truly amazing to me is the fact that we are safe. We were not harmed in anyway and we continued right on for the rest of our night. We were protected by the power and mercy of God! Just like this event we all have the "lightning strikes" in our lives. We are surrounded by the attacks of the adversary and the attacks of human frailty. We must have the protection and the preparation to withstand the attacks and to continue forth in the power and mercy of God. We all know those protections. Reading our scriptures, prayer, attending church and so forth. We need these basic necessary tools or we will crumble when we are struck. No matter what the attack if we have the protection of God we will be saved! Our car proved to be the safe haven we needed and the arms of God will be that for us as we engulf ourselves in His love. Don't let the lightning storms of life attack you but be surrounded by the protection of God.

I'm a GINGER!

Have you ever met a ginger? Have you ever seen a ginger in a stressful situation without any chocolate in their system?? If so, I am sorry. I have been known to throw my own fair share of temper tantrums and I will blame my hair color! This week my sweet companion has been on the receiving end of such explosions and every single time I have been so impressed with her reactions! She has taught me how to really be Christlike in every situation. I wanted to give some examples of how she has treated me in the way Christ would have.

- She instantly apologized for anything that may or may not have been her fault
- She sought to understand the situation from my perspective
- She showed love by wanting to take the time to communicate and really solve the issue
- She accepted my apology without hesitation and she moved on quickly
- She never once reacted back to me only became humble

She has taught me so much! Humility really is key to any relationship and argument. When one or both are humble then the argument can be quickly avoided or dismissed. This is key to all communication skills!
As I read the Book of Mormon this morning I saw the same example in the letters of Moroni and Pahoran. Moroni is upset and angry at Pahoran for not supporting the army. He does not know that Pahoran is dealing with his own civil unrest and is currently fighting for his life! Instead of Pahoran writing back an equally upsetting letter, he responds kindly and complimentary! He gives Moroni the benefit of the doubt and moves forward. (Alma 60-63).
Next time I am having a temper or receiving such I will seek to show the example of my dear companion or Pahoran.

It's so pink!!

Today I had the amazing opportunity to go and see the famous cherry blossoms in Washington D.C. Talk about a lot of pink! It was amazing! The flowers were beautiful and the weather was perfect. We had a glorious time! I was so struck by the beauty of the world around me. Just weeks ago those trees were bare and now they show forth the beauty of a creation of God.
Spring time always reminds me of this wonderful fresh start. It is so fitting to go this week in connection with Easter time. Easter is when we commemorate the death and rise of our dear Savior. With His example, we are also given an opportunity to lay down our woes and sins and rise again as a new disciple of Him. We don't have to remain as the bare tree limb but we can bloom into an exquisite creation of God. This really is the time we should set the new resolutions of our spiritual nature and become changed. He not only showed us how to change but He made it possible to. One of my favorite definitions of grace says,

"It is through the grace of the Lord Jesus, made possible by His atoning sacrifice, that mankind will be raised in immortality. It is likewise through the grace of the Lord that individuals, through faith in the Atonement of Jesus Christ and repentance of their sins, receive strength and assistance to do good works that they otherwise would not be able to maintain if left to their own means, This grace is an enabling power that allows men and women to lay hold on eternal life and exaltation after they have expended their own best efforts."

Through our Savior's grace we can become the new creations we need to be!
Just like the flowers and new growth around us, we should also become a changed person Because of Him! I love my Savior and the ability He gave me to change!

Practically perfect in every way!

I remember when I was in the musical Peter Pan. I was playing the part of Wendy! It was a wonderful show and I loved it! One of the scenes will always stick out to me. When Wendy is first shot down from the flight, the lost boys find her and build a nice house around her. We practiced that scene over and over again to make sure the pieces were placed correctly so the house would not fall down. It was scary to be laying there helpless as a house was built around me! We finally had mastered the technique and everyone felt confident in that scene. Some of the lost boys began to be a little careless with their placing of the pieces. On our first night of performance the tragedy occurred! As I laid there under the built house... it all came down!! At first I attempted to hold it up and not let anyone see but it came crashing down around me! I was so embarrassed and tried to cover for it! It was so rough!! Our director was so disappointed that a scene we had worked so hard on had failed. It is quite a funny experience when I look back but in the moment it was devastating!!
While practicing for the scene we had the ability to master it, but because of laziness and lack of accurate practice we lost the opportunity for perfection.
This happens so much in our lives. We all have the ability to be perfect. We can perfectly play a piano piece if we learn to practice it perfectly. We can perfectly shoot a basketball if we practice it perfectly. It is the same way in our daily spiritual  habits. We can become like our Savior Jesus Christ as we perfectly practice the small and simple habits. If we read our scriptures everyday, pray often, attend church every week, and follow the commandments we are perfectly practicing to become perfect! It all lies in the small and simple steps of discipleship. We cannot afford to get lazy and out of the habit. We need everyday to practice! Without practice we will not progress and we will lose the ground we already covered! Please please practice!! And make your steps to perfection happen daily!

Steadmans are . . .

Do you know those phrases that stick with you forever? For example, Don't touch that! No! After you do the dishes! ect. Ever since I was little I remember a particular scripture. It has been pounded into me since I was a tiny little girl. It says:

Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life. (2 Nephi 31:20)

 I clearly remember my parents insisting that Steadmans are steadfast. Now that is a pretty c
ool motto I will agree. It wasn't until recently that I realized something... What does that even mean! I decided to take a study and find out!
Steadfast means to be persevering, diligent, firm, dedicated, committed, faithful, obedient, unshaken, immovable, loyal, courageous, enduring, dependable, and full of integrity. Holy Cow! We are promising to be a lot when we say we are steadfast! The more I looked into each of those words, the more I realized that it is all simply becoming converted. it is becoming like our Savior. Preach my gospel lists off certain Christ like attributes such as Faith, hope, charity, knowledge, humility ,obedience, virtue, patience, and diligence. All of these words tie in to the words listed above. When we become steadfast we are becoming like Christ.
Becoming steadfast doesn't happen all at once. It is not the step we take before faith. It is the step we take as we are enduring to the end. It is the step and place where the mighty change of heart can occur. It is where we become a true disciple.
 As a missionary, I have had a lot of opportunity to put into practice this very phrase. I have had the choices such as to stay out and work in the blizzard or enjoy a cup of hot chocolate, sleep in just a minute more or be up right on time, and stay firm in my testimony when it is challenged or just agree to avoid contention. I am not saying I was perfect everytime, but I can say that I have tried my best to be Steadfast. I am a Steadman and Steadmans are Steadfast!

Is it really just like a fairy tale?

I have always grown up loving disney movies! I love the famous story of Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty. One of my all time favorites is Hercules! What has always been interesting to me in these older movies is there is a clear cut hero and villain . There is not many of the in between characters. Everyone is either evil or they are good. Now in real life I have often made justifications to allow for the gray area, but is there one?
Yesterday I was reading in the Book of Mormon and came across a scripture that says otherwise.

For I say unto you that whatsoever is good cometh from God, and whatsoever is evil cometh from the devil. (Alma 5:40)

It really is that simple. The things that are good come from God and everything else does not. I remember being told once that it really is all black and white. The only way to get gray is to add a smidgen of black. This makes decisions a lot easier for me. It really is following God or not. So how might we know if things are good and from God you might ask... Well Moroni tells us how!

But behold, that which is of God inviteth and enticeth to do good continually; wherefore, everything which inviteth and enticeth to do good, and to love God, and to serve him, is inspired of God. (Moroni 7:13)

As we make decisions in our life we can remember that everything really is like the fairy tales. There is a hero and He is our Savior. He has shown us the only way to peace and joy.

I broke it..

Once upon a time there was this timid, non adventurous person. She had finally decided to step outside of her box and take on the most dangerous feat yet in her life. She decided to tackle the . . . playground. To this point she had calmly handled the slide and the swings but she was yet to handle the bar. If you do not know what the bar is that is understandable. It is the single bar that tends to hang from chains. Often children are seen sitting on it or hanging upside down from it. So this young girl decided she would break her concern and fear and sit on that bar. She slowly eased her way onto the bar. She was sitting!! Feeling a bit more confident and brave she attempted the ultimate. . . hanging upside down. As she balanced upside down she was so pleased wither herself! She had conquered her fears!!!
That moment was a joyous encounter in my life. Yes, I was that brave lass. It felt so great to overcome one of my fears. I remember such a feeling of satisfaction and a feeling of being able to accomplish anything! To finish the story above, I did accomplish my feat! Yet, it ended quite upsetting. As I was trying to get back up to the sitting position, I fell. I landed square onto my face. YIKES!! Yes, I now have a crooked nose! It was painful! But, did I get back up onto that bar another day... you betcha!
I firmly believe God allows us to fall at times to really learn what it is like to get back up and try again. We are so much stronger when we learn to brush the dirt off and get back to work. While I gained the confidence from the success, I gained the determination with the fall. We can learn the most as we try to do our best and learn from the falls. This gospel is full of uncomfortable things we need to do and as we do we often fall. The wonderful thing is that God allows us to so we can learn. The ultimate gift is that He does not expect us to do it alone! We will always have our Savior to help us stand back up. What are ways you have learned to rise again?

It is the C word....

One Word. Can one word really define you for a year? Our mission president gave us the idea of choosing one word to focus on this year to help us become better. It came from a program already established by someone that I do not remember, but it is great! So through prayer and thought, I have chosen the word change. That is what I want to focus on this next year. Change. Continual change. Marvin J. Ashton said once "There is nothing so unchanging, so inevitable as change itself." What a great word to focus on! It is inevitable so I might as well use it to it's fullest.
I was thinking today about change in the terms of God. We know that God is an unchangeable being. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. I realized that God cannot change so we can have the potential to change. If he was constantly changing on us we would have no direction or goal to aspire to. Instead, He remains the same and asks us to change to become like Him. What an incredible gift.
I remember when I was growing up and the rules that were established in my house. We were simply asked to not do certain things and to do other things. My parents were very good about not changing those rules. This gave me a clear choice to choose between. It gave me the ability to freely exercise my agency. I am so grateful for those chances they gave me choose and thereby to change.
While change is hard it is also the only way to ever become truly happy and like our Savior. C.S Lewis once said

“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently he starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of—throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace”

I know that God is making us into the eternal beings we were designed to be. Let Him change you.

I think......

I remember when I first decided that I was going to go to Southern Utah University. I remember that I was around 15 and we were visiting my sister who lived there. I loved the campus and very much wanted to follow my sister. I then resolved in my mind I would go there and no where else! When I was in high school I also explored the campus while I was in the Shakespeare festival and yet again fell in love with it. I loved that school and I was going there. I had a thought that had become a fixed resolution. I was going to SUU and that is exactly what I did. I loved my experience there and all the wonderful people that I met. It really was amazing. It all came from a simple thought.
Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "If you sow a thought, you reap an action. Sow an action and you reap a habit. Sow a habit and you reap a character. Sow a character and you reap a destiny." Wow. That is one powerful thought! It leads to our destiny! This week we were able to have a sisters conference where we discussed this very thing. We focused on the destructive nature of negative thinking and the incredible influence of positive thinking. We can literally sow our destiny! Whether it will be negative or positive, it is up to us! This is proof of the amazing gift of agency.When we take the time to evaluate the present and focus on what is happening right now, we are able to more fully use and appreciate the gift of agency. We do each have the ability to choose positive and to choose happiness.
Of course, the ultimate happiness and positive attitude will come as we follow our Savior Jesus Christ. With His Atonement we can overcome any unfairness or trial and choose to see the joy. With Him we can be masters of our own destiny.

Isn't it about time...??

I love the old church commercials! They are so wonderful! They share a wonderful message in such a humorous way. I loved the tag line. Isn't it about time? Think about that for a moment. We all run our lives by time. How much time do we have to get ready in the morning or how much longer do I have to sit in this class. It really is about time. When we realize that this life is such a small small moment in the eternal perspective, that time becomes even more precious. This week I was thinking a lot about the time that I really gave to my family and friends. I was also thinking about how blessed I was to have been given so much time by those I love. Here are just a few examples of the time that was given to me to help me grow.

• Every Sunday my mom and me would make some sort of treat together. We would spend the time together and become even better friends.
• My dad would always ask me to come to work with him. I should have been much better about spending that time with him! I loved that I knew he always wanted me around.
• My sisters and I would always watch the silly chick flicks together. We laughed and laughed. I knew not matter how tired or sick they were,we would always have that time together.
• I had many occasions where my friends would take the time to talk with me or to just let me vent. They gave me the time I needed to become better.

Even more importantly then the time we give to others is the time we give to our Heavenly Father. He has literally given us all time and it is just asked that we give a small portion of time. Just a little bit to read our scriptures or to pray. Yes, even 3 hours at church is just a little bit to give to the God who gave us life. As we give Him our time we can build a relationship with Him. I am so grateful for this time that I get to give to my Heavenly Father as His missionary. I love this opportunity to give Him my time.